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Random Ramblings!


Back by my own demand!

And remember, as part of the “cookie” challenge…you can submit 10 ramblings (and not even all at once!) for a coupon.  See here if you don’t know what the “cookie” challenge is.

And they’re off!

“Within 90 minutes of quitting smoking, your lung function already begins repair!”
“Within 90 minutes of quitting?  If that counts, then I quit smoking about 11 times a day!”


“Oh, that’s where you don’t know me, I’m as Spanish as a rug!”
“As Spanish…as a rug?  Like the Oriental ones?”
“Yup!  I’m an idiot.”




“So does that taste much different from the other drink?”
“Are you asking me if my beer tastes different from my margarita?  I have tastebuds, so, yes.”


text1: Have a fun class!
text1: OR ELSE


“Shut up!”
(Loud fart.  Everyone laughs.)
“You told me to shut up and my ass didn’t listen.  It’s a rebel!”
“What are you gonna do, send it to ass reform school?”
“Or bad-ass school!”


“This credit card looks so cheap and gaudy!  Doesn’t it look like it’s made of plastic?”


text1: I don’t know what to wear to this interview!
text2: Wear clothes!
text1: Gee, thanks.
text2: Well, you always turn down every suggestion I give you.
text2: So I wanted to see you go naked.


text1: Don’t wear anything complicated.
text2: So I guess padlocks are out?
text1: Yes but chains are encouraged.
text2: But how am I going to keep the chains together?
text1: The goal is for the chains to not be together for too long so…Scotch tape?
text2: I thought they were supposed to be together?  Maybe I’m not on the same page here, aren’t we talking about re-enacting the Jacob Marley scene from A Christmas Carol?
text1: Well yeah, but lockless chains might make more noise.  Also we need you to be able to do a quick change as you’ll be playing Scrooge as well.


“What is that on the shelf?”
“It’s for my trumpet, it’s called a straight mute.”
“Oh…as opposed to a gay mute?”